Claws. Flaws. And a succession of bores. The X-Men franchise has rarely come this close to a dreary lullaby. This X-Men: The Last Stand-ish level of mediocrity is not only disappointing and worrying, but what a train wreck!
Why doesn’t someone just axe these X-Men already? I mean really, If Jennifer Lawrence looks bored any further in a movie, you might just mistake it for a Hunger Games film without the Hunger and with none of the games. Her screen time looks and feels laboured and there is literally nothing for her to do on screen apart from strut around and look worried. The world has once again has become mutant kinds private fight arena as Magneto gets loses his shit due to yet another tragedy in his life.
The Xavier’s school is alive and well with a seemingly endless supply of living space and acreage. Everyone’s doing their bit but this time round, the magic and mayhem are missing.
If James McAvoy’s Charles X Xavier says ‘Hello old friend’ another time to Magneto on screen, I may just pull out all my nails with a tweezer while singing in Celine Dion’s voice. Painful isn’t it? Oh, the snore value of this film could put even a corpse into a deeper sleep. Goodbye, old friend.
This is a movie so lacking in freshness, intrigue, and motivation that I think Adam Sandler’s films delve deeper into political discourse than this movie delved into well…. anything! There is nothing real or compelling about any of the emotional drama in this film. Everyone’s saying lines given to them and there’s nothing raw or gutted in any of the dialogues either. The quick wit and humour are missing too. Did Bryan Singer take the DC pill? Hello, old friend.
An all powerful ancient being called En Sabah Nur wakes up with only one intention – annihilation at all costs. He wants to control the planet and make everyone bow to him. Hmmm? Now where have I seen that before?
Total world domination is about as fresh as the premise as a boy falling in love with a girl on the streets of New York. Life is tough in New York. We get it. The fresh mutant members – Jean Grey, Nightcrawler, Cyclops, Angel and Storm are earnest enough to warrant a clap or two but not nuanced or badass enough to make you wanna root for them. Also, their leather suits look very very uncomfortable. Just saying.
Their arcs feel decidedly half-baked. The veterans at this point namely Magneto, Professor X, Mystique & Hank McCoy seem to be phoning it in. Not done old friend.
They have not ONE memorable line & that worries me. There was a time when superhero films were incessantly quotable. There is NOT one memorable action sequence that showcases how far they’ve come as mature fighters or mutants who have now mastered their powers. I feel sad as I see this franchise loses both steam & style. In an attempt to ONE UP the Quicksilver scene in the 1st movie, this movie attempts another ‘Aha’ moment with the speedster but it comes across as cartoony and a contextual mismatch in an otherwise morose film where everyone looks like they forgot to have their morning coffee.
This film has none of the freshness & punch of X-Men: First Class. The stakes don’t feel as high as that in X-Men : Days of Future Past. Even the 1980s feels like it wants to revert back to the 1970s. Nobody’s having fun on screen anymore. Michael Fassbender overacts in a few pivotal moments and you wish the talented actor had more to work with. At least he’s trying. Jennifer Lawrence fails to do anything substantial during her screen time and is a waste of this film. I think relieving her of her contract at this point might not be such a bad idea. James MacAvoy is worth witnessing in an indie movie called Filth. If you see him in that movie, you’ll know that his high calibre talent is absolutely wasting away in these X-Men movies. Oscar Issacs as Apocalypse is more generic than a plastic cup and his atrocious makeup as Apocalypse looks like it belongs in a low-budget grindhouse flick. The talented actor has little to do on the screen other than whisper, bellow and waves his arms about like a blinking idiot.
The film does globe trot a bit to make the scale of the proceedings seem a lot more international. But with fights so uninspiring and a story this strained to infuse any real sense of consequentiality, it’s a wonder Bryan Singer even signed off on this and presented it as the way it is. The only thing super cool about this movie is the opening credits sequence with the X-Men theme. It’s fantastic but it’s a high that quite doesn’t follow through once the movie begins. Enough old friend.